Monday, October 29, 2012

Decisions, decisions

After taking this fall semester off to figure out what to do with my life, we've figured out a couple of things:

  • plans get changed
  • I'm not starting a career when I graduate
  • Money is an object and college is expensive
  • This next year will be a year of more change
  • I need to make the credit I've earned so far mean something
So with those things figured out, I've decided to finish off my associate's degree at Ivy Tech this spring semester. I don't really even care what the degree is in, I just want to get in, get out, and get on with it. College so far has mostly been something I've struggled and scrappled with and I'm ready to put it aside for awhile. My feelings are still a teeny bit mixed. I am so ready to not deal with college for awhile but I feel some guilt. I feel kind of guilty or some shame for not reaching my goals at ISU. I feel like I failed. It's not easy to talk about feeling like that when people ask me about my school plans. I tend to think they're already thinking I don't know what I'm doing. So I feel like I need to put up this front like I have it figured out and this is the best/smartest decision for me. 

To combat those feelings of failure and insecurity, I trust in God. I've prayed. I've seeked. I've waited. And I think this is where He's pointed me. In the end, all that matters is that I follow Him. My feelings will change and fade. Other people are really only asking to be polite. I have to trust Him. 

James 1:6-8

But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

1 comment:

  1. I'm up like, 5 hours past my bed time and I'm pretty sure I have the flu, but I just wanted to say this post resonated with me!

    When I decided to not finish pursuing my degree (at least for the time being) I hated feeling like "one of those students" and guilt for not starting what I finished. Not to mention all the work I put into. I actually had a quite a few family members and friends who were extremely disappointed in me, which made it all the worse!

    But there is nothing like following God's will and plan for your life, even if you don't know what that is beyond the next month or so. I friend once told me that instead of focosuing on what we should be doing with our lives or God's will for our lives is, to just focus on serving God in the present.
    I know of course you already know this, but i just want to reiterate what you already know :)