Thursday, August 17, 2017

A Change of Heart

Yesterday I started talking about planning for our kids clothing needs as fall approaches.

For myself, the same task is a little more complicated.
I'm actually working on streamlining my relationship with clothing.
More like, God is working on that relationship and it's more like my relationship between my heart and my body image.
I've pretty much always felt insecure about myself, my weight in particular thinking I could make people think I'm taller, slimmer, prettier by visually manipulating them with my clothing.
I watched way too much What Not To Wear as a preteen.

But God is doing a new thing in me.
He is challenging my beliefs.
He is showing me that I am worshiping a vain ideal instead of Him.
He is showing me how careless I've been with money.
He is showing me how ungrateful I've been for what I do have.
He is showing me that I prize something wordly over the stability and truth He has for me.
He showed me I needed to repent and turn around and let Him overhaul my beliefs about beauty, about security, about what He created my body for and about what I need to set my heart on.


You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.
Song of Solomon 4:7

SO.

I prayed about a few new rules to dress by letting God reshape my behaviors as He reshapes my heart.
1. Do not buy anything new. Even if you love it. Even if it's only 50 cents. Even if it would make you feel like a super model. It won't. So don't
2. Pick out a few clothes at the beginning of every month from what you have. Box up the rest until next month. This way the only "shopping" I'll be doing until God tells me otherwise is of that which He has already blessed me with.
3. Continue to dress well, but not with a manipulative intent.
4. Be grateful for all that you have.

By these rules, I've actually paired my clothing options WAY back.
A few lists helped me narrow down my real needs.
I picked out a handful of items I know will fill those needs for the month.
Everything else went into a cardboard box.
That box is stashed in my son's room with a blanket thrown over, cleverly disguised as side table. :)

I've followed through with this plan for a couple weeks now.
My once too tiny closet is now very roomy.
I am trusting God to complete this new work in my heart.
I'm pretty dang excited to see what it will look and feel like afterward.
The burden of hating what I see in the mirror, never feeling beautiful enough, always looking for a cheap new thing to make me feel any prettier, being a total hypocrite about what I say is important to me......it's too much and it's distracting me from Jesus.


Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8

Keep me as the apple of the eye; Hide me in the shadow of Your wings
Psalm 17:8


If you struggle with a similar insecurity, trust and believe what God says about who you are.
Stop feeding ypur heart with lies.
Stop shopping in order to maybe, hopefully, possibly feel just a tiny bit better about who you are.
Nothing is better for you than what God has already blessed you with.
Especially those things that may feel more like a flaw right now.
Recognize that lie for what it is then PUT IT AWAY FROM YOU.
Embrace the freedom that God gives.



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