Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Sharing My Motherhood

A few weeks ago, actually maybe a couple months ago, we dealt with a reality check.
Our girls still see their birth mother a couple times a week.

This still goes smoothly and is overall a positive experience for the girls.

As Sweetums has gotten older though, bits of confusion have risen up.
She chooses to call me mommy or mama.
Her birth mother calls herself mommy (which is totally her right) at the visits.

Leaving a visit one day, I could tell Sweetums was having a hard time figuring out who was who.
She said "Mommy!" (meaning me when she saw me there to pick her up) but her birth mother responded.
Though it was clear who Sweetums was addressing, this just put confusion all over her baby face.

Walking to the car, I thought about it and prayed for wisdom and clarity.

When we were finally all in and on our way, I started talking to Sweetums.

Me:"_____, do you have 2 mommies?"

S: puzzeled

Me:"You do! You have two mommies!"

S: small smile, bright eyes

Me: "Isn't that awesome!? God gave you two mommies who love you and think you're wonderful! You are so blessed! God loves you so much. "

S: "Two mommies!"

That's the first piece of the ongoing conversation.

As we've gotten into this fostering journey and head towards adoption, lots of conversations have led me and Adam to how we want to handle this important, sensitive issue.

We don't want our kids to have this crazy identity crisis when they hit their teen years and all of a sudden we throw onto their shoulders that they come from some unknown source.
We do want to make it a normal thing that yes, they have a mommy and daddy who God gave them life through and they have a mommy and daddy that God is raising them through.
We don't ever want to have one big, enormous Talk but instead have little, every day ones through the course of their growth.
We want to answer the questions and confusion with bites they can digest.
I suppose this is how we will approach all of our kids' big life stuff.

So being honest and encouraging with Sweetums has helped with her confusion and let her know that it's ok that she has two mommies.
That's how God has made it in her life.
So it's good.
Everything He does is good.

I'm still praying though.
It's hard to share my motherhood.
I pray to be brave and loving and wise.
God has shared his parenthood of these little ones with me.
I can share it with her.


  1. Oh the tears.... your wisdom always leaves me so encouraged. God has given you so many gifts kensie, your candor, as always, is so refreshing. I don't know how I would have handled that situation, and I marvel how faithful God is at providing wisdom and knowledge when we need it. Your girls are so blessed!

    1. Thanks you for YOUR encouragement, Meg. It's why I keep writing. :)