April is starting to slip away.
I was surprised with the need to update the white board calendar we keep on the fridge door.
Then later this morning I was putting away clean laundry and I came across a onesie I bought Malachi a few months ago.
It was crumpled up in the back of the drawer, unworn.
Between the two realizations of calendar updating and laundry putting away, I was just struck with some strong emotions.
I thought he would be ours by now.
I thought we'd be celebrating by now.
I thought when I talked to all of his doctors and medical people I could stop listing myself as "foster mom" by now and just finally be "mom".
We waited six years for this boy to be in our arms.
We've cared for and traveled to doctors with and sat through exams with and brought to bioparent visits and court dates and therapies and taught and loved this boy who legally isn't ours for nearly three years more.
And from where I sit and write, there's no true end date in sight.
Sure, adoption might finally happen in June.
I thought it would happen more than a month ago though.
Last year I was thinking it might happen last year.
In this moment the waiting *feels* endless.
But.
He's just totally worth it.
God has created this little kid and He DID put him in our arms and He DID set us on a path to love him as our own even if he wouldn't be ours for quite some time.
God has used the tool of waiting so beautifully in our hearts.
And at the end of this beautiful waiting seems to be a beautiful, tiny boy who is going to need a lot more love, patience, and care.
I just CANNOT wait to call him by my own name and begin waiting on the Lord to see what He does in this boy's heart.
I was surprised with the need to update the white board calendar we keep on the fridge door.
Then later this morning I was putting away clean laundry and I came across a onesie I bought Malachi a few months ago.
It was crumpled up in the back of the drawer, unworn.
Between the two realizations of calendar updating and laundry putting away, I was just struck with some strong emotions.
I thought he would be ours by now.
I thought we'd be celebrating by now.
I thought when I talked to all of his doctors and medical people I could stop listing myself as "foster mom" by now and just finally be "mom".
We waited six years for this boy to be in our arms.
We've cared for and traveled to doctors with and sat through exams with and brought to bioparent visits and court dates and therapies and taught and loved this boy who legally isn't ours for nearly three years more.
And from where I sit and write, there's no true end date in sight.
Sure, adoption might finally happen in June.
I thought it would happen more than a month ago though.
Last year I was thinking it might happen last year.
In this moment the waiting *feels* endless.
But.
He's just totally worth it.
God has created this little kid and He DID put him in our arms and He DID set us on a path to love him as our own even if he wouldn't be ours for quite some time.
God has used the tool of waiting so beautifully in our hearts.
And at the end of this beautiful waiting seems to be a beautiful, tiny boy who is going to need a lot more love, patience, and care.
I just CANNOT wait to call him by my own name and begin waiting on the Lord to see what He does in this boy's heart.
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