Monday, September 22, 2014

4 Months

Today we've had Sweetums in our home for four whole months.
If you read this thing very often, then you pretty much know how it's been.
(it's been awesome) :)

However, through this whole adventure Adam and I have tried to be very clear with ourselves and others that she will not always be here with us.
While she is here will be dedicated to making sure here experience with us is full of Christ's love for her.
But, she will (Lord willing) go home one day to the mommy God gave her to.

Ha. Even typing that makes my heart clench and painfully release.

But it's true and we knew it all along.
One thing that has seemed to help the foreboding emotion is thinking about how I feel when I drop her off for a visit.

I drop her off and for the next 2 hours I'm "free".
But I'm not really.
My heart is with Sweetums.
I'm waiting till I can go get her back. I don't really feel very settled until I do.
But what helps me in thinking of the future is that I only feel that for a few hours each week.
Right now, her birth mommy feels that constantly.
She must have felt that something was terribly wrong following that original awful separation and it's been there ever since.

I hate that for her.

And right now, that's helping me face what will come.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Kensie, you have so much going on in your life, you and Adam are doing such a beautiful thing for the body of Christ. I'm sure we can't fathom for a moment the impact you and Adam will have on not only the children you bring into your home, but their famlies and the people that these children will one day touch as well. Some times I read the links about foster parenting that I see on Pinterest, and often I am left in tears. Either in the beautiful way God blesses these children and their birth / foster parents or in the heart breaking and often emotionally charged situations that come with fostering. I always think of you and pray for you often. We love you guys and know that we think about you all!