Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Still Adjusting

I've gone pretty quiet here these last few weeks.
It's no wonder with all the changes that have had to happen nearly overnight.

Life is interesting with our new little Peanut around.
Sweetums is as helpful as she can be, sometimes a little too helpful.
My brain and energy are being stretched in completely new ways.

On top of the unique newness within the walls of our home, regular life ticks on without.
That has probably been maybe the most...... stressful?

Usually when families get a new little member, mom and dad usually get a chance to pull in and focus on the changing family.
It's probably our own fault, but that hasn't really happened here.
We just keep trucking.
I'm feeling the press of over-commitment.

For the sake of realness, these last few days I've also noticed what I think is Sweetums' efforts to adjust to a baby in the house.
The 3 of us had gotten to a comfy place where pretty much any time Adam & I looked at her we just fawned over her.
She knew what to expect from us and her days.
Now this new needy little one has upset that for her.
Sweetums seems to be more easily frustrated.

Tantrums, though short lived, come quick and intensely over nearly every little thing.
It's hard to know how to respond.
Should we ignore those crazy, seemingly selfish outbursts?
Or quickly reprimand and order her to cut it out?
Most of the time we just ask her if she needs to go sit by herself for a minute.
This usually leads to an immediate end to the flow or another gush of screaming.

This is all boring rambles but I'm just noting what life is looking like for us these days.
In a month or so when we've hopefully reached a new comfy spot, we'll look back on the adjustment days and see God's work and presence in the challenges.

Here at the end of the day I am thankful.
So thankful.
But my eyes are also a little more open.
Mothering is hard.
Foster mothering is challenging.
I need God's presence as I work for and with these little ones.
I need to know He's got what I lack.
Instead of completing my bible study, today I just needed to cry over His open Word and let Him be my dad.
I need Him to fill in my gaping gaps.
Thank God He wants to.

1 comment:

  1. Oh man, I can't imagine the learning curve going on in your home right now, I was so excited for sweetums to have her little sister around, but what a change and shift in not only your and Adam's day, but hers as well.
    This might sound odd, but at least she is reacting in the way she is. Making herself known and heard so you and Adam can kind of "diagnose" what she needs. Diana was like that shortly after we brought Caleb home. We thought Ellie was adjusting so well, but she just withdrew a bit for awhile and wanted to be left alone and seemed very left out. This is probably just my own experience, but it was easier for me to help Diana because I knew when she was feeling turmoilious on the inside. But ellie was so calm and collected all the time, that when she stayed quietly in her room it was always difficult for me to know if she was feeling hurt and left out or just wanted to play quietly alone. So although both girls needed the same amount of extra just me and and Daniel time to feel special and loved, I spent more time worrying about Ellie because she just doesn't act out. Which is both a blessing and a burdan for a mothers heart!
    I so very much I could bring you some coffee or a steamy cup of tea and share your tears and and bring encouragement, but I will have to keep it in the virtual world for now and pray that God would continue to lift you up. And please take people up on their offer to help and give you a break! It sounds like you have such a wonderful family of believers that are so ready and willing to share your burdans. If someone asks if they can do something for you, say yes! I know you have mentioned how much people have heaped onto you already. That can be so wonderfully humbling, that it can be hard to accept even more, but if someone offers to help watch the girls or make you a dinner or anything, I promise you they are more than ready and wanting to help! Even if it just gives you a little more one on one time with one of the girls or gives you a moment to step outside and breath a breath and talk to God, accept the help and thank God for it! And of course, you and Adam having some time to just.. be. makes all the difference in the world.

    It sounds like you are going at this with the right frame of mind, just keep pressing on towards the goal which Christ Jesus has set before!