Monday, November 3, 2014

He Knows the Way

At the risk of another heavy post, I'd like to record what our foster care journey is feeling like these days.

I say it like that because it seems like I'm sending out heavy post after heavy post but life, well, it's kind of heavy right now.
So this space should reflect that if I'm truly trying to be real here and just record our life as we live it.

Our time with these two little girls has just been brilliant.
Thank God that He led us down this path.
I sometimes wonder if we made a bad choice going down the foster care route first instead of just getting on with straight adoption.
But if we hadn't, we would probably never have had this time with Sweetums and Peanut.
We would have never been impacted by them and God would have never been able to use us for them.

So that's a worry I can lay down.

But lately it's becoming increasingly difficult to envision ever letting them go.
No one has ever given us any hope that the girls would ever stay with us so we can only assume that one day they will in fact return to their biological parents.

So of course, I'm feeling those feelings.
They are super heavy.
They can weigh me down and scare me and make me cry.

How am I going to do this, God?
How is Adam going to do this?
How are our family and friends ever going to let these precious ones go?

God is so good though.
A friend at church on Sunday happened to start asking me all the right questions and heard all this from me.
She has adopted her 3 kids and experienced a few failed adoptions in that process.
One thing she said was "If those kids are your kids, nothing can keep you apart. If those kids are their kids, nothing can keep them apart."

Another friend, our foster specialist, shared this verse from Psalm 138: "In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul."

Yet another friend, a woman who has fostered for many years and loved many kids, gave me some practical tips on coping with the absence of the girls and encouraging me to not try to be in competition with their parents.

God is good.
And He knows who our kids are and who will raise these rubies.
And He loves all of us and work all things for the good of all involved.
I cling to Him and trust what He has already put into motion.
Or at least I want to.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Man Kensie, my heart is heavy with you, but most importantly God is with you. It sounds like He has put some amazing people in your path that can share so much wisdom and practical applications of how to handle and deal with these many emotions. Remember to take each day at a time, because that's just about how much grace God gives us, just to handle today. Just like He only gave the Israelis just enough manna in the dessert to last that day, so we have just enough grace for today. But that's how God wants us, continually drawing near to Him, clinging to Him, needing Him. Right now, in your pain as you draw close to God, your lives are bringing Him glory. He can be glorified in pain as sorrow just as He can in Joyfull, happy times. I wish I knew what else to say, just know so many people are praying for you, loving you, and here for you. Enjoy today with those littles